Dreams & Expectations
by Aki Arau
Summary: A 1x2 Fiction (Shifting POVs - Duo & author): In an attempt to forget dashed hopes, Duo Maxwell leaves everyone and grabs on a second chance at life. Little did he know that his past would catch up to him... bringing more questions and a future unknown.
1. Default Chapter

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Author's Notes

Pairing(s): 1x2 – main, past OCx2, established 3x4 and eventual 5xR

Warnings: post EW and AU, Duo OOC and shounen-ai

Chapters: target 15 parts

**DREAMS AND EXPECTATIONS**

**PROLOGUE (Duo POV):**

I remember reading somewhere that life has its quirks… that when you try your best to avoid something, THAT something - for some reason - always ends up meeting you some other time yet again… that these things are just flat out inescapable…that these things happen for a reason…

Tccchhh!

Okay, okay…so maybe they DO happen for a reason! I mean, much as I'd hate to admit it, I wouldn't have ended up piloting Deathscythe if the Maxwell Church Massacre hadn't happened. I wouldn't have fought in the war and won, wouldn't have met Quatre, Trowa, Wuffers and Heero "Shut up Baka!" Yuy. Wouldn't have ended up where I am now – without my Gundam and far far away from everyone…wouldn't be Duo Maxwell at all. Strangely, I don't mind being away from it all, because here I have found my place…because here I actually have a shot at being happy…being loved.

Confusing? Well, let me backtrack a little to how I ended up where I am now….

_

* * *

(Flashback: two years ago…)_

Seven months. Seven whole damn months! Everything's finally settled and it seems like the war never happened at all. Despite some unrest among civilians and massive losses from the colonies and Earth, the factions have finally laid their cases to rest. Yes…Relena's bitch-ass peace and pacifist ideals have won and hopefully it stays that way.

But peace unfortunately doesn't settle immediately in some, and it definitely does not settle easily with Shinigami. I guess years of mayhem, death and tragedy does that to a person. Despite the hard-won amity, the organization of the Preventers, my friends… For some reason it didn't feel like I fit into the whole framework. So there I stood amidst the crowds, brushing elbows in an effort to gain a grip on Relena's political stronghold amidst the laughter and the exploding fireworks in the distance. To my far left stood Quatre talking to several WEI associates and of course where Quatre is, Trowa is never far off. I grinned. Those two really are sweet when you get down to it.

Turning my head slightly to the right, my eyes settled on Wufei rigidly standing beside his Royal Highness Milliardo Peacecraft. I rolled my eyes in amusement as it hit me how funny a pair they make. Zechs – er…I mean Milliardo and Wufei – a couple. Wow.

Eyeing the tall blonde as he surreptitiously took hold of one of Wu's hands, an action that won him a rather dark glare that amusingly seemed to have no effect on him whatsoever, I smothered a chuckle. Poor Wuffers. Ah no! On second thought, poor Milliardo!

And of course last but not least, I looked straight in front of me and clapped eyes on one lean figure in a dark blue suit with a mop of messy brown hair that refused to stay put. Heero Yuy, light and love of my life – not that he knows that – stood inches apart from the pink-gowned Queen of the world. Ever the illustrious bodyguard.

I sighed inwardly and winced. Okay…so falling for the Perfect Soldier wasn't exactly a wise move on my part but what could I do, I fell hard as soon as I found myself meeting those cold Prussian blues and the barrel of his gun. So yeah…Duo Maxwell has been stupid.

But stupidity set aside, I had to sigh rapturously as my gaze roved over his impeccably dressed form. That suit matched his eyes and that scowl on his face was giving me a major heart attack. He was gorgeous. Sigh.

And downright unemotional.

Damn.

Why do I always set myself on the unreachable?

Silence.

Damn! Heero could be right…I AM a baka…SHIT!

Heero must have felt my eyes on him for as soon as Relena had turned to speak to yet another ambassador, his cold gaze shifted over to me. One eyebrow quirked as if to say, _What now Baka?_

I shrugged, noncommittally grinning to myself as I thought over the fact that I was finally making some sort of language over Heero's blank stares. Thinking back on those many missions when I had to put up with his death glares and moody silences, I realized I had no other choice but to decode those looks. Heero was after all a man of few – if not NO – words.

Much to my surprise, the perfect soldier actually left Relena's side and made a beeline towards me, the usual death glare blazing from those wonderful eyes of his.

"Hey Hee-chan!" He hates the nick – I know. But who's to stop me huh?

"Hn.", came the reply. Ccchh! Figures.

" Rockin' party isn't it? Enjoying guard duty I hope. Betcha Relena's just ecstatic!" Lame Maxwell…Why on earth are you trying anyway?

"Baka. This will be over soon."

I let out a mournful sigh that I honestly didn't feel at all. I was GLAD the party was ending. I was actually looking forward to leaving everything behind me… memories and all. I felt too tired going along with everyone with my clown mask on when I didn't feel an inch like the happy laid back idiot I liked to show to people. I, Duo Maxwell, just want OUT.

But, they don't have to know that…especially Heero. Hopeless as my case with him is, I don't want him to think I'm WEAK. Duo Maxwell is anything BUT weak. Deep in thought, I almost jumped when the perfect soldier suddenly spoke out of the blue, " This is my last day with Relena. I'm joining the Preventers."

Wow.

That was a shock. Heero Yuy is actually LEAVING the queen of the world? I wouldn't have expected it!

Not in a thousand years!

And what does Duo Maxwell say to that wonderful announcement.

" Oh. Cool! Working with Wuff-wuff and Millie huh? As if THAT'S gonna be blast? Heh! Kidding! Seriously 'Ro, that's good!"

Okay. I was croaking like a frog out of control. But come on! I'm in shock here!

Much to my surprise, he threw me a rather strange look that suspiciously expressed…disappointment mayhaps? But it disappeared even before I could make sure. I shrugged. Geez! I've fallen for him so hard, I'm starting to imagine things. NOT GOOD.

" What about you?", came another out-of-the-blue inquest.

Well, if the other one didn't blow me away, this one did. Heero Yuy's actually asking something about me. ME.

Swiftly recovering my bearings, I shrugged yet again. I thought back on a week ago when Une had called for me, inviting – or rather - demanding that I join the preventers. I'm a damn good explosives expert and I do well with blending in the underground – I was a street kid after all - they needed me. I told Une I'd think about it and left the woman gaping at me like a fish as I exited her office, my usual manic grin pasted on my face.

It was understandable. Out of the five Gundam pilots, I was the one who always grinned and rejoiced in the middle of all that blood-shedding and death. Heck! I even went so far as to almost worship the God of Death. But I didn't of course and just settled on calling myself Shinigami...No wonder Une and everyone else thought I'd jump at the chance of still getting that stimulating adrenalin rush by joining the Preventers!

But they never did try to look under all that, and none of them ever discovered that underneath it all was just a tired street kid from L2…who virtually had nothing and no one to call his own. Trowa has Quatre…and Catherine and the circus; Quatre, well, with Trowa by his side now I'd say he has everything; Wuffei has his justice and just recently, Milliardo; and Heero, well, he was a soldier then and still is now. The war has taught me that to Heero Yuy, nothing else but THAT mattered.

And me? Sure I have friends, but selfish as it may seem, they're just not enough. They wouldn't understand why I am the way I am. They would never understand the real me. I used to have Deathscythe and revenge by my side, but then all that ended with the war. So now, I virtually have nothing to look forward to. My Gundam destroyed, my purpose gone and the one person I craved for the most hated my guts – I have nothing.

" I dunno Heero. Maybe I will join the Preventers.", I murmured in reply.

Beside me, Heero gave a slight nod of satisfaction and remarked, " You're expertise would be of great use."

I winced inwardly. Should've known he'd see things that way. He IS the Perfect Soldier after all.

Several feet from us, Relena waved a gloved hand that beckoned Heero to her side. Beside me he let out a sigh and muttered a gruff, 'excuse me' before walking off to do whatever it was the Queen of the world wanted him to do.

Staring at his retreating back, a melancholic smile twisted my lips and I whispered, " or…maybe not…"

The ballroom felt extremely uncomfortable all of a sudden and the urge to escape it all overtook me, and so I slipped outside and into the balcony.

Maybe fresh aircould help me through this suffocated feeling.

Stepping out under the moonlight, I raised my gaze towards ebony skies. The stars sparkled on the dark background and I sighed. I was suddenly missing space. At least there, I could lose myself in my woes and forget everything. Just float.

" Wonderful night…isn't it?"

My pilot instincts kicked in and I swiftly turned, my right hand gripping the handle of one of my knives sheathed on my side. Scanning the dimly lit balcony, my eyes narrowed and I flicked my braid behind me.

A man…a young man…looked to be slightly older than me stepped out and into my line of sight.

I sized him out if he was a threat, but he wore the same impeccable business suits worn by almost every damn guy in the room and he had the look of a businessman, much like those Quatre deals with. I relaxed my stance and allowed a small smile to escape my lips.

" Yes…the sky is wonderful at night."

That remark won a quirked eyebrow from him and he stepped forward to stand beside me. Under the brighter moonlight, I saw him clearly and settled on studying this stranger. He was tall, almost six feet compared to my very short five and three inches, shoulder length black hair was tied loosely at the nape of his neck. He wore silver rimmed glasses and I caught a glimpse of hazel eyes as he gazed towards the sky much like I did. A rather drop-dead gorgeous dude I have to admit.

" But the party isn't?", he asked as he turned his head slightly to meet my gaze.

I shrugged. No point answering that.

" Hmm…it is a rather sad crush.", he muttered to himself.

I peeked at him from under my bangs. Strange guy.

I almost jumped when he suddenly turned full front towards me and offered his hand. " Hanazawa. Hanazawa Ryuen."

I looked at the hand, then him, then back again. I reached out reluctantly and found my own hand in a rather strong grip of elegant long fingers.

"Duo Maxwell."

"Ah!", he eyed me appraisingly, " the gundam pilot."

I had to grin ruefully at that, " Yup…as if the whole world didn't know.", quipped.

He chuckled much to my shock. He was rather cheerful for a Japanese guy…of course, the only Japanese guy I know is Heero.

" So what is a famous hero doing outside glumly staring at nothing in particular?", he asked.

I shrugged. " Nothing."

At that answer, he turned right back to staring at the sky, " Is it hard?"

I turned my head to look at him, " what?"

He made a slight motion with his hand and gave me a sad smile, " This…no war, no fighting…just peace…nothing."

I stared at him. This guy was unnerving. I've only known for five minutes and he's suddenly pointing out things I've pondered on for so long.

" Are you psychic or something?", I suddenly blurted out only to regret it as soon as I did.

He chuckled. " No.", and smiled at me, " I was never in the war, but I do know what it is like to live with everything but still have nothing."

I fell silent. Yup…that was exactly how I felt.

"So is it hard?", again came the question.

And I answered, " Damn hard."

I met his eyes and in them I could see that sense of camaraderie…knowing that someone actually felt the same way I did.

"I just want to…escape it all…find my place…", I murmured still staring into those calm hazel eyes.

Silence.

"Would you like to work for me?", he said suddenly.

I stilled. What?

Did I hear things right? I just received a job offer?

Was this the right thing to do? I barely know the guy after all. I looked into his eyes yet again and only saw…sadness. A deep one. The same one I was carrying around.

"As what?"

He smiled, " My estates are on L3. I've a need for a new head of security."

L3. Far away from everything…knowing no one…starting anew…

What was I waiting for?

" When do we go…", I stopped. What the heck do I call him?

He grinned as he realized what I was thinking, " Ryuen…just Ryuen."

My brows shot up. Now way I'm calling my boss by his first name. This was supposed to be a new start for Duo Maxwell. A step forward to be different, to leave my past behind.

I shook my head with a slight frown and won the same frown from him, " When do we go…Ryuen-sama?"

He glared. I shrugged. I was used to Heero's glares, and this one was nothing compared to them.

He smiled.

And so that night, I packed my bags, cleaned the room Quatre had put me in, wrote a short message to the guys and a refusal to Une and left them in the hands of a bewildered Rashid. I left the mansion and stepped inside a dark limousine with the party and the people still having the time of their lives.

Two hours later, I was onboard a private shuttle on my way to L3.

On my way to a new start…

(_End flashback)_

* * *

A slight movement to my right captured my notice. A familiar scent whiffed passed by nose and I relaxed. I knew who it was.

" Dreaming again Duo?", came a light teasing voice from somewhere near my right.

I shrugged and flashed a grin towards the tall figure leaning on cold marble as he stood beside me. " Just…Thinking."

The admission won a sigh from Ryuen and I watched as he wrinkled his nose at me, " You think too much."

" No I do not." I retorted with aplomb.

Reaching out, he tapped a finger on my nose much to my surprise. Grinning at my reaction he murmured, " YES. You do. I catch you standing here every night looking out into space."

I smiled my sad smile and turned my eyes contemplatively back to space. Ryuen sighed but remained beside me, his hand gripping mine as it held onto the balcony's ornate marble rails. Both of us remained that way… content and comforting in each other's presence. There are words unspoken between us, but we had long understood that these are better left unsaid.

Would it be such a surprise to know that I have fallen for Ryuen-sama?

No…it wouldn't, would it? Sister Helen used to tell me that inside, I was a real softie. Loving others came naturally for me and love Ryuen I did. I will not deny that I care still for Heero…we fought side by side and we won the war, I loved him those years ago with a passion unsurpassed but with time, that feeling dulled and I learned to turn to Ryuen….my Ryuen-sama.

However, bad luck seems to be at my heels to this day especially in terms of my er…romantic involvements. I had loved my best friend Solo, but he died before I could even tell him …I loved Heero but that had been unrequited…I love Ryuen…and he loves me… however, honor and responsibilities come first to him as a Hanazawa and for us to flaunt what we felt would be a disgrace.

Yeah..I'm a masochist I know!

But what the heck? I love him too much to ruin him.

" Duo…get inside…it's getting cold.", Ryuen's murmured warning snapped me out of my musings and I turned to flash him a smile.

" Look who's talking? Who's the head of security here huh?", I teased.

He looked at me with twinkling hazel eyes behind those glasses of his, " You…However, I am the boss and you'll have to follow my orders."

Now you have to realize that being with Ryuen has changed me a bit…okay…maybe a lot. You could say I've mellowed and matured but then I still get my bouts of childish antics.

So I stuck my tongue out at him and smirked.

Our laughter echoed into the night as we clutched at each other with glee. Our faces content….our hearts longing for the unreachable…

_

* * *

(A year later…)_

_I_ should've have known my paradise wouldn't last.

I should've known damnit!

I watched as Ryuen thrashed about in his bed, his dark hair uncombed and wet from the fever.

I should've known…

" Duo?…" he whispered as he opened sightless eyes.

I leant forward, keeping my tears in check as I met those warm brown hazels.

" Why didn't you tell me?", I asked with more than a hint of desperation in my voice. ",Why didn't you tell me you were dying Goddamnit!"

His response was a small sad smile as he settled his gaze to where I sat, my head buried in my hands.

" And what good would that have done? I've been dying even before I met you Duo…th…this is partly why we were never meant to be…now is my time…

The Hanazawas have held this cursed condition for ages…plea…please…don't c….cr…cry for me?"

My dam burst…I don't know how…it just did.

"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I'VE BEEN LOSING YOU THESE PAST FUCKING YEARS? WHY? WHY? I LO…"

"DON'T!" he suddenly snapped. I gaped through my tears as he stared at me angrily.

" What would you have done?", he asked more calmly in my silence, " worried yourself to death?"

I dropped my gaze and looked at the floor. The tears poured forth and I didn't stop them. I didn't want to.

" I don't want to be alone…", I whispered before taking hold of his limp right hand. I pressed my cheek into it…eager for the warmth.

" You won't be…you will find someone…and… you will always have me…..", his voice was weaker as he spoke.

" No!", was my vehement reaction.

"Yes…", he murmured as his eyes began to droop, " You're not alone…old loves…n..never…die….."

I stared at his gaunt face as his eyes closed. I watched and waited for his chest to rise…a slight sign at least that he was alive.

But it never did.

And so I stared at that kind wonderful face.

My tears fell…I had lost someone…

Again.

_

* * *

You will always have me…._

He had whispered that before he died, and I hadn't understood…. at least, not then.

I stared as one of the Lab doctors approached me with a bundle of white in his arms.

" Maxwell-sama…meet Ran…"

With widened eyes I stared at the small bundle in disbelief.

"What the…."

" Hanazawa-sama started this project two years ago…His bloodline had been dying out even before the wars and so they came up with a solution. All the rightful heirs have done this. Gene therapy has proved to make up for the many lives his family has lost to their inherited health conditions. "

"But what about the consequences? " I stuttered, " This child will have it as well so…."

The doctor before me shook his head, a pleased smile on his face. " Ryuen-sama's genes did contract the condition, but we are the best of L3 Maxwell-sama. The child is free of it! We made sure of that."

I shifted my gaze back to that small bundle. I was too shocked to even notice that I was already cradling it in my arms.

A slight movement caused the side of the cloth to fall and I found myself staring at a healthy baby boy.

I gasped and the sound must have alerted the little thing because his eyelids slowly opened from his slumber, and I found myself staring into deep violet.

What the hell?

"By the way Maxwell-sama," the good doctor murmured behind me, " Hanazawa-sama must have held you in great esteem. It's his and your DNA that were used for the Ran Project – hence, the Hanazawa heir."

I was flabbergasted.

Mine and Ryuen's.

A part of him and me… A son… Our son.

Little Ran looked up at me with those violet eyes so like my own except for the flecks of hazel so much like Ryuen's. A tuft of chestnut-colored hair adorned his head and he yawned delicately at me before taking in his surroundings.

I smiled.

I guess Ryuen was right after all.

I wasn't alone. He made sure of that.

* * *

**_CHAPTER 1 - (2 years after Ryuen's Death) _**

**_(Duo POV)_**

I watched the small figure dressed in light denim overalls scrambling atop the hill not far a way from where I stood. Behind him, guarding like a lioness with her young stood his nanny. I permitted myself a slight quirk in the lips as I saw him bury his face into a cluster of flowers and sneeze.

Ran was growing up quite fast. It seemed like only yesterday when I held his small delicate body in my arms bundled in soft white baby clothes. Indeed, two years had changed him into this little carefree boy…and I wouldn't have it any other way.

" Duo-san!", Mylene started as she caught sight of me standing not too far away.

Ran, bless his sensitive ears, turned sharply at the mention of my name and looked downwards to meet my gaze eagerly.

"Papa!" was the enthusiastic exclamation as he bounded down the hill at full speed. Already a few feet away from me, his still clumsy feet stumbled and I felt my heart lurch in slight fear even as I reached out and caught him mid-fall.

Like the child that he is, Ran stared up at me, small arms going around my neck in a tight hug.

"You're back! You got me a present ne? I missed ya!", he babbled, unconsciously chewing on the end of his ponytail as he stared up at me with bright violet eyes. He was quite articulate for a two year old. One of the advantages of gene therapy I've been told.

I grinned. I never could resist him. " Yup! And it's waiting in your room right this minute!", I said with a laugh.

" Welcome back Duo-san.", greeted Mylene as she approached me.

I took in her rather rumpled apron and uniform remarking ruefully, " Ran-chan giving you trouble?"

Ran pouted even as he stayed latched on to me and Mylene smiled, " Oh yes…but Ran-sama is wonderful trouble."

I could see the rather pleased look on my son's face at the comment.

" See papa? I have been wonderful!", he pointed out to me brightly.

I sighed. It seems Ran has inherited some of my er…rather arrogant traits. I threw Mylene a scathing look as she smothered a giggle.

Hmmph!

I entered the manor and the staff seemed all excited and thrilled at my being back. Approaching me was the grim-faced Hayato, bowing quite formally as he fell to walking beside me.

"Duo-sama.", he murmured impassively, flicking my grinning young son a softer stare as he did so.

" –SAN. DUO-SAN… how many times do I have to tell you that Hayato?", I said in exasperation. Why the man insists on calling me so, I cannot understand. It's not like I own everything Ryuen had left.

I faltered slightly at the thought of my second love…Ryuen…

He was right you know…two years have dulled the pain of loss…and I had Ran after all.

" Yes Duo-sama.", came the reply.

I sighed and decided to let the matter go instead.

"Papa! Can I go see my present?", Ran pleaded as he squirmed to escape my arms.

I rolled my eyes. The little monster.

Dropping a light kiss onto his head of chestnut hair, I released him and watched as he scuttled up the stairs with Mylene in tow.

Geez! I love the kid!

" So!", I perked up and turned towards the waiting Hayato, " How were things while I was gone?", I asked. All the other staff had blended into the background, leaving me alone with Ryuen's loyal butler-turned-mine.

"Everything is fine Duo-sama. Dr. Stuart of Sakura Laboratories Inc. did stop by though. He was quite eager to see you and left a message. It seems the atmospheric filter he designed has been a success."

I couldn't help but be pleased. Well that's a bit of good news. I had started the project right after Ryuen's death as an effort to lend a hand to the colonies. L2 most of all. If what Hayato's telling me is true, then breathing air in my old colony was a problem no longer. I don't really understand why Ryuen made sure I took over the Hanazawa empire in his place. He had enough advisers that fit the bill, Ran happens to be his irrevocable heir and I had thought that I would remain to guard and protect the son he had made sure to leave me with. I had not asked for his wealth or his properties. I had only needed to be by Ran's side and him by mine. But it seems Ryuen had other ideas.

Ideas that, though I'd hate to admit it, I did not begrudge him.

" And your trip? How was it?", came Hayato's polite inquiry.

My good mood dispelled at the mention of why I had to leave for several weeks in the first place. I tugged at my braid unconsciously as my thoughts settled on the revelations during my trip.

I had left for one of our Research Centers stationed in the remote parts of L3 after receiving news of strange activity monitored on earth. I never did go back or visit the damn place having settled peacefully and comfortably in L3. However, Ryuen had always insisted that though passive, L3 and the Hanazawas had always thought to keep their eyes on earth and it's fellow colonies. I remember him mention that knowing what was happening kept his empire on its toes. A lesson he had learned during the wars.

"Something strange is going on Hayato.",I murmured seriously.

We entered the study, Hayato shutting the door quietly after me before turning to meet my stare as I leaned on a huge redwood desk.

" Sir?"

" You do know that our forwarding companies have been handling shipments between L4, L1 and Earth. Kazu Researchers have been monitoring the shipping docks for the last five years as you well know - a Preventers requirement for shipment security. A month ago, several shipments have been monitored missing soon after reaching warehouses on earth."

"hm…smugglers? rebels?"

I shrugged. " Maybe."

" It's been peaceful for so long…it could be anything! But my guts tell me that something weird is happening. And it's going to be bad. Really bad."

Hayato met my look with those wise old eyes of his.

"Another war?", he whispered.

We both fell silent. I suppressed a shudder as I thought.

' I hope not…GOD I hope not!'

It seemed my prayers came too late. Much too late.

I should've known that for an L2 street rat with a spread of dead bodies and ruined lives behind him, only Shinigami could answer. Life has been so kind to me the past few years, I actually forgot the death wish I carried on my back…death doesn't rest.

I should've known. Contrary to what I prayed for, the unthinkable happened…

* * *

"Mr. Maxwell! The reports! You have to see the reports! It's all in vids!"

I jumped causing my chair to topple down with a veritable crash. It's a good thing the leather and the foam cushioned the fall. That chair does cost a little over 70,000 credits. However my attention was not on my erstwhile chair but was riveted towards my secretary – Nick - as he swung my door open with a crash, his young face a rattled beet red. He must have run from the assistants' office to mine, which is a good 5 floors down.

"What?", I murmured uncertainly. My face must have gone a pasty white as I found myself in shock.

" A war!", my secretary panted, " Rebels have attacked Preventer HQ…How they were able to pull that off I have no idea!"

"What about the Queen?", I demanded. Much as I hate Relena, she IS the key to our much-wanted peace.

" Escaped thank God! Intelligence gave Commander Une the warning in the nick of time. Most of the preventers escaped unscathed!"

The tightening in my chest relaxed somewhat. My thoughts had been immediately on the guys, worrying whether they were safe or not. Knowing them however, I'd bet my ass they are.

" Any news where they are headed?", I asked Nick more calmly this time.

He nodded, " They took Shuttle V36 and are now nearing L4. They'll be staying there for the time being. You do know that the colonies hold no loyalty to Earth's factions, and Quatre Winner has offered them asylum."

I was quiet at that information. It must be serious given that they had to seek refuge in what is perhaps the farthest colony from earth and basically the most protected. Being a pacifist colony, L4 held no weapons of mass destruction however, they did have the most advanced security systems money can buy.

" Any news about the earth rebels?"

Nick's brows furrowed worriedly, " Not really. Just that they have put the whole nation under Military Protection and any supporters of the overthrown government is to be shot to death."

I cursed at that. How many lives will humanity sacrifice for this war? My time in L3 has made me appreciate peace too much to bring back who I was during the war. Who would've thought that Shinigami would finally be laid to rest?

" Sir? Is something the matter?", inquired my secretary anxiously, finally breaking me from my musings.

I shook my head in reply, " No…would you happen to know whether there are any plans to attack L4?"

Nick paled slightly at that, " But sir? L4 is a pacifist nation! Attacking it would be…"

I cut him short while casting a very dark look, " In war…anything is possible…even mass murder."

Horror dawned in Nick's brown eyes at my remark. Paler than before, he acknowledged my statement with a week nod, " I'll contact our sources sir."

I noticed his hands shook as he took out his mobile and pressing it to his ear.

I could smell his fear… and I understood.

* * *

I looked down from the study window, pulling at the heavy burgundy curtains in an effort to get a better view of Ran running around the pristine estate garden, his nanny watching close by from under one of the shady oak trees. I smiled. I still can't believe seeing all that green scattered all over the colony. Being an L2 orphan, the only view I was subjected to were stinking alleys, old men humping girls and boys alike…and lots of blood…lots of death.

I turned slightly at the sound of a soft knock, watching as Nick stepped into the room with someone in tow.

A tall angular man strode inside, black army booth matching a sort of military green uniform. On his left sleeve stood out a silver scythe emblem.

" Par.", I murmured with a slight nod of acknowledgement.

" Maxwell-sama.", he greeted stiffly at me. I could see his tension, his wary gaze shifting and landing on me.

" Report."

" The preventers, Commander Une and Queen Relena have safely reached L4's shuttle port. Mr. Winner has been keeping his people busy upgrading their defenses. A nearly impossible feat if I may say so given that they have less than 12 hours before rebel forces reach L4's territory."

I frowned. That Quatre was now forced to mass produce whatever weapons he could come up with just proves how bad things are.

" Any news on Rebel activity on earth?"

Par's mouth tightened visibly. I inwardly winced at that. Things must be really bad. I've never known Par to react to anything.

" Approximately 2,000 civilians dead in a shoot-out two days ago. The queen's supporters."

GOD…2,000 dead! Is there no end to all this pain and killing? My already clenching fists tightened even more, so much that I could feel my nails digging into my palm.

" What have the colonies said about this? ", I asked as I struggled to control my emotions. It wouldn't do any good to lose it now.

" L4 has obviously displayed on whose side it's on. L1 shall fight for Queen Relena I presume… Heero Yuy, ex gundam pilot, has always had the L1 council's support. As for L2, it's all a blur Sir…you know how they work; whoever has the most money gets them on their side. "

I glared blindly at the curtains at that remark. It was unfortunately too true…my colony, L2, wouldn't give a rat's ass who's right or wrong as long as mouths are fed and drugs continued flow…the quirks of the underworld. Memories I had struggled to bury inside the deepest recesses of my mind threatened to burst out. Me running through the alleys of L2, my mind working along the same lines as that of the people living there now…just survive another day, because nothing else matters.

"Sir?"

I almost jumped at Par's sudden interruption in my thoughts.

" Yes Par."

The man looked hesitant, quite unusual for him considering he's captain of HANAZAWA CORP. Special Ops. I sighed. " Spill it Par."

" Hanazawa has always been the driving force of L3. Even more so now that you have stepped into Ryuen Hanazawa's shoes. We stand behind you and we'll stay there… I thought you should know that."

I looked up at that lined, angular face in astonishment. When the heck did I inspire such devotion? I don't remember THAT ever happening.

Par let out a deep chuckle as I looked at him. I must have had a funny expression on my face. I was still too surprised though and watched in fascination as his chest heaved with too much laughter.

" What should I do Par?", I stared him in the eye this time and that was enough to erase all amusement from his face at the sight of how serious I was.

" What should WE do?", I whispered.

With a grim smile, my special ops captain reached out and clapped a hand on my shoulder, " I suggest we move now Sir. Time for us to stand with our colony brothers in L4 and L1… time to fight for peace."

I was silent at that…Peace he said. Has it come to that again? Us fighting for peace?

Inside, I smiled… no…it's not about peace…It's about people wanting to live! People like Relena, Lady Une, Wufei, Quatre, Trowa…Heero…people like those 2,000 civilians who died…My friends' faces swept by in my mind's eye…people I loved and still love…Yes. This was for them.

I gave Par wide grin. But it wasn't my Shinigami smile…no…it was a smile of someone who knew clearly what he would be fighting for without anger or bitterness.

" Yes Captain…It is our time to fight."

* * *

Preparations for several shuttles to L4 occupied me for the next four days. A dozen teams of my best scientists, technicians, guards and special ops… I gathered enough to bring a small but formidable army of strength and brains into L4. WEI ain't no pushover but the more the merrier right? Besides, my people could be of some good use some time!

As I stood inside the Tech Lab watching several men load cases upon cases of firepower – HANAZAWA manufactured firearms to be exact – custom made and ready to rock and roll so to speak. I struggled to ignore the surprised looks Par and the rest of my special ops team were throwing my way. I'm pretty sure they're rather surprised with my…somewhat unusual get-up given that they always see me around in my sweatshirt and jeans, or stiff looking business suits. This time however, I was dressed in solid black from head to foot, wrapped in a black leather trench coat that covered me from neck to knee. I had tied a dark belt tightly around my waist and under the coat, sported the darkest pain of jeans I owned. Equally dark combat boots completed the outfit. My hair – instead of the usual braid – was tightly tied back in a high pony-tail. Perched on my nose were my dark rimmed glasses – I never wore them since I hated to admit that I've become a tad near sighted the past year… I was a Gundam Pilot for christsake! Of course I hate being near sighted!

" You look ready for anything Duo-sama.", a gruff voice said behind.

Turning slightly, I gave Hayato a slightly embarrassed smile, " You don't think I'm overdressed do you?"

My ever loyal butler/ assistant/ bodyguard/ friend shook his head, " Oh no. Allow me to quote Ryuen-sama when he used to shop with you – You look heartily deadly – I think that's what he used to say."

The amused and fatherly glint in Hayato's eye almost made me laugh out loud, but then I wouldn't want to insult the guy's dignity. The old man had adored Ryuen as much as I did.

The lab's white doors slid open suddenly and I looked up to see who would enter.

" Papa!", a child's voice piped out to be followed by a woman's scolding voice.

"Ran-sama! You come back here you little imp!"

I sighed inwardly as I watched my boisterous son run towards me. This ended up with Ran clutching at my black clad leg like it was lifeline and me staring down to meet a pair of teary violet eyes.

"Ran will come with you!", he declared with a scowl.

With another exasperated sigh, I knelt low enough for my eyes to meet his.

" You can't Ran. Papa is going on a trip…a very important trip that will help a lot of people. I promise though… I will come back and I'll have a most wonderful present for you!"

My son's lower lip protruded at my explanation. His eyes were wider now as he continued to glare at me. " NO! I'M GOING WITH PAPA! PAPA! TAKE ME WITH YOU! PLEASE PAPA?"

I winced. Sometimes, Ran's vocal cords amaze me.

His violet eyes were now as teary as ever, "Please papa?"

At that oh-so-pitiful plea, I looked at Hayato and Mylen who had been staring down at the pair of us the whole time.

" Weeellll….", Mylene said reluctantly, " I do believe he'll feel safer with you Dou-san. You have been gone for quite a bit and with you going away again…" she shrugged, " Ran misses you."

"Hayato?", I gave my trusted friend a pleading look.

The old man smiled gently at me and reached out to ruffle my son's hair, " No harm in taking him I think…this way, YOU can protect him yourself"

I didn't miss that inflection on YOU. Of course. Hayato would understand that protecting Ran was something foremost in my mind.

Rolling my eyes at all the sudden sentimental drama going around, I grinned at a waiting Ran and pinched one cheek, " Alright kiddo. Pack up your teddies then! You're coming with papa!"

Ran's whoop was undeniably loud. " YIPPEE!"

And so began our journey to L4. What with my son coming with me, I decided to bring Hayato and Mylene along. Through the years, both had become family for me too and I was too stubborn to leave them behind. If I'm going to protect my family, I better make sure to protect ALL of them then…

* * *

_( 2 days later)_

A blink on the screens caught Rashid's attention. Stiffening, the burly Arab immediately patched his comlink through his waiting superior.

" Rashid…what is it?", Quatre Raberba Winner asked grimly as his face appeared on the vid-screen.

"Master Quatre…I think you should know, several shuttles are on their way here now. I believe permission to dock shall be requested in approximately fifteen minutes."

The blonde Winner heir narrowed his aqua blue eyes, his lips tightening at the report, " Any idea where they're from?"

Rashid shook his head," No. If you'll let me, I believe I can send some of our men with the DX47s to check the ships over?"

Quatre frowned. " Do that. Report to me immediately if something comes up. Winner out."

" What was it Quatre?", came the calm query as the blonde in question sighed tiredly after cutting communications with Rashid.

Quatre gave his green-eyed lover a worried glance before allowing himself to lean into firm strong arms.

" Several ships have been sighted on their way here Trowa. Allah! I don't know what we can do if they turn out to be rebel ships!"

In an effort to comfort his already stressed out lover, Trowa started to massage tense shoulders through the thin silk shirt that Quatre usually wore.

The two young men stood silent but close to each other. As if fearing that they would be torn apart. They remained close even as they heard the door to the conference room open, and several footsteps disturbed the former quiet.

" Winner…Barton…What's going on?"

With a heavy sigh, Quatre turned to face their two other friends who stood tense and waiting.

Wufei and Heero were poised ready to bolt just inside the room. Both looked grim as they studied their two other friends' countenance. Wufei's face seemed tighter than usual, his dark eyes flashing. Beside him, Heero Yuy "Perfect Soldier" stood resolute, his finely chiseled face betraying nothing.

Seemingly blank storm blue eyes bored holes at the couple, but a tell-tale glimmer flickered slightly.

Quatre leant against Trowa's tall willowy frame of six feet and three inches before meeting both hard stares squarely.

" Shuttles on their way to L4 docks."

It was Heero who spoke this time, keeping his questions short, " Who?"

"We don't' know yet," Trowa replied as he gathered Quatre even closer, " We already sent a few men to check. Security and defenses are on alert just in case."

"Hn."

" Where's Commander Une and Relena?", Quatre asked

" They're at WEI headquarters a few blocks away. We posted more than enough guards and left emergency evacuation instructions just in case. Hilde and Noin are there so I don't see any problems.", was Wufie's stiff but obviously tired reply.

After hearing that statement, all strength seemed to have left the blonde Winner. He slid on a cushioned chair and buried his head in his hands. Beside him, Trowa settled himself in another chair while at the same time placing a comforting hand on his back. Wufei and Heero sat themselves freely on the other chairs circling the table. All four wore the same tense and grim expressions on their faces as they looked at each other.

Silence dragged on for several minutes until Quatre chose to break the silence with a light chuckle.

His three other companions looked at him in surprise, " You know…If Duo were here, we'd still be able to laugh the whole thing off."

Trowa and Wufei allowed melancholic smiles on their faces at that too true comment. Heero stiffened and glared at the blonde, as if daring him to mention their former braided comrade who disappeared five years ago again…

" Oh stop being a grouch Heero!", Quatre complained with a wave of his hand, " And stop denying yourself… From the four of us, it's you who miss him the most!", he quipped.

With a low growl, the tall messy haired Japanese threw an even more intense glare at his blonde friend.

Wufei rolled his eyes and snapped, " Oh stop it you two! And Yuy! Quit acting like a kicked puppy!"

Before Heero could snap back a reply, Rashid's voice echoed excitedly over the coms, surprising all four gundam pilots.

" Master Quatre! The shuttles are from L3 and carrying equipment and weaponry…courtesy of HANAZAWA CORP. I'm told!"

The four exchanged astonished stares at the news.

" The Hanazawas have been known to keep to themselves, much like the rest of L3. Wonder why they suddenly decide to help us.", Quatre mused.

Before anybody else could comment further, Rashid's voice once again reverberated through the comlinks and this time, seemed quite dazed all of a sudden.

" Allah! You wouldn't believe WHO just stepped out of one of the shuttles!… It's Duo Maxwell!"

At that, the four stared at each other in shock before rushing out of the room and towards the office's exit, only to pile inside Quatre's luxurious limousine.

Everyone kept silent, digesting the little bit of news as they headed towards L4's docks.

* * *

**TBC**

**Target update date: 03/ 07/05**

**Notes 2: Read and review please! More reviews equals updates/completion**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note(s)**

Sorry for this late update. I know I'd pegged the update date for April 7th but my er… muse just didn't come. But now it has so, I hope you'll find this chapter to your liking. At least, I hope so.

Happy Reading!

**Chapter 2:

* * *

**

**(3rd Person POV)**

The tall compact figure of the Maguanacs Captain stood frozen in disbelief, eyes pinned on a most familiar figure stepping out of one of L3's cargo ships. Dressed in solid black from head to toe and tell-tale braid replaced by a lengthy ponytail, Duo Maxwell - a.k.a. 'Shinigami' and ex-pilot of Gundam Deathscythe – strode languidly across the cargo bridge, eyes sparkling behind narrow glasses as he sighted Rashid's shocked person.

Halting in front of the astonished Maguanac, Duo's lips twisted into his trademark manic grin, " Yo."

" Master Duo!", exclaimed the hulking Arab as he recovered from his initial shock, " You're alive!"

Duo gave him a mocking hurt look before expressively rolling wide eyes, " Of course I am. Whoever said I was dead?"

"Well…we…its just…I…"

Finally interrupting the stumped Maguanac, Deathscythe's former pilot smiled apologetically before clamping a friendly hand on the taller man's shoulder. "No need for excuses Rashid my man…" then throwing a slight wink, " Shinigami disappears whenever he wishes it. And If I don't care to be found, then I WON'T be found."

At that half-joking, half serious quip, Rashid visibly relaxed enough to grace the short young man beside him a polite yet warm smile. " Of course… Master Duo. ". Dark eyes skimming over boxes and cases of weapons being unloaded from the L3 cargo ships, he ventured to say further, " We're very grateful for all this. As you well know, Master Quatre has abolished all level 5 weapons on the colony and with what has been happening, the past few hours have been quite…difficult."

A gruff voice muttered grimly behind him, " Ha! Now that's an understatement!"

Swiftly turning at the remark, dark Arabian eyes met pale blues set in a lined face.

" Par!", admonished Duo catching on to the argument that was about to start should no one step in to placate the two war veterans.

" Leave them be. Whether other colonies adapt policies we think are a weakness, that is none of our business."

The head of Hanazawa Corps. Special Ops gave a slight nod of acceptance and did an about-face, leaving both Rashid and Duo to finish their discussions.

Smiling at his trusted officer's antics, Duo turned back to Rashid, eager to resume their conversation.

" So!", violet eyes sparkled with anticipation, "What do you have for me?"

**

* * *

**

(Duo's POV)

Everything felt surreal… at least, to me.

I watched as the familiar figures of Quatre's elite special force strode to and fro past me and into my ships' cargo bays. I've fought alongside these brave men a few times during the war yet, I just can't make myself believe that I'm with them again. I felt like giving myself a good kick in the ass but of course, that's not possible… so I settled for staring instead.

Rashid himself gave me a few hard curious looks. I don't blame him for that. A five-year disappearing act doesn't exactly leave anyone hopeful, especially when the missing person per se refuses to be found and drops all sorts of communication between him and his old life. What I did, was kill Duo Maxwell, Gundam Pilot. I had chosen to leave that life and make a new one. At least, that was what I was hoping I could do…Bu then the past just had to catch up with me.

Tcch! Should've known!

It always does.

In the background, I listened half-heartedly as Rashid summed up intel-gathered information.

" The Queen's supporters have gone underground; a good number of them civilians. Others have stayed but refuse to leave their homes. I don't blame them. They have no place else to go and are too scared considering the rebels have made their threats real. They call themselves "The Liberation" and their leader, Commander Johann Dutroix gave implicit orders to kill anyone who even utters the Peacecraft name. Master Quatre has been in regular communication with the rebel faction, negotiating for a three-par Peacetalk between Earth, Colonies and The Liberation…Negotiations are not doing too well. Dutroix wants the Queen and Commander Une executed, the Gundam Pilots under his command…"

I quirked a brow at that wildly bold demand.

This Dutroix guy must be really bonkers.

Rashid continued, " He threatens to attack the colonies and destroy L4 and L1 should we not give in to his demands."

Okay… he's a bloody murderer who lost his marbles at childbirth. Figures.

" Qat's plans on a counterattack?", I asked. Knowing the blondie, I knew he'd never go down without a fight.

The Maguanac Captain was about to reply to my query when his eyes darted to stare at something over my shoulder, his tense demeanor relaxing into a calmer façade. I didn't need to look behind me to know what – or rather, WHO – stood there. I bet Rashid, or maybe Abdul, had notified them soon as they saw me step out of my ship.

Fighting to calm my nerves and quell my habitual fidgeting whenever I was nervous, I settled on keeping my outward appearance relaxed and pasted a grin on my face as I turned to meet my former comrades-in-arms. We stared at each other for the first few minutes. Them in disbelief with traces of anger and hurt – not that I blame them for that. And then, there's me… just looking… and waiting.

Quatre was the first to break. His blue eyes - now a bit narrower than the last time I saw him - went teary as he took one step forward. And another…then another… and ended up running towards me finally engulfing me in a tight warm hug.

" Duo…", he whispered as I found my face smothered near his collarbone, " Welcome back."

I blinked and to my surprise, felt some wetness from my lashes.

The heck! Was I crying?

" Hey Q.", I murmured softly.

He finally released me from his tight hold and took a step back, eyes roving my person in slight surprise. Behind him stood Trowa, and with the way they seemed to gravitate so closely to each other, I'd bet half my fortune – not that I have any – that the two have been as close as ever, if not closer, all through my absence. I noted not having heard him creep behind us and decided that the circus clown was as silent and cat-like as ever. His one green eye uncovered by brown bangs stared at me in quiet reservation but with certain warmth. Wufei stood beside him, and I noticed the Chinese still held that stiff snobbish look of his – very much the Chang Wufei I knew before. But the way he carried himself now seemed softer around the edges and his dark eyes glimmered with what seemed to be relief and welcome… and I hope its for seeing me again.

To my surprise, I noticed all three of them towered over me by more than a few inches. While I had grown by only a mere two inches during those five years and had never grown out of my lean, slight frame; the three of them were broader of shoulder, had more muscle… What the heck! They looked the epitome of masculinity!

Movement somewhere at my far right caught my eye and I shifted my gaze to the last of my four friends… the one I've been having uncontrolled heart palpitations for…Heero.

He stood several feet away from the rest. The only one who had not moved a muscle upon seeing me alive and well. And God! How he's changed!

I refuse to lie…I refuse to say that I haven't thought of him the past five years, because I HAVE thought of him. Having Ryuen with me had dulled my constant walks through memory lane and it had faded later on, only to gradually creep back into my stubborn brain after his death. Memories had been banging in my head even more as I had neared L4. I knew that he was going to be here and I had prepared myself for everything. I had prepared myself to face the perfect soldier yet again.

But the person who stood before me was different from the one I remembered. Gone was the rather short, poker-faced Asian teen. In his place stood a tall handsome stranger, dressed impeccably as a Preventer Special Agent. He was as tall as Trowa at six feet and two inches. Broad shoulders, narrow hips and a face that had lost its youthful softness and now showed-off aristocratic Asian features met my gaze. Blue eyes the shade of the deepest ocean glared at me from under dark lashes. I had forgotten how intense his eyes could be.

Shaking myself out of my hypnotized stupor, I stepped forward still meeting those eyes of his, refusing to release his glare.

" Hey… Heero."

A flicker of surprise passed his eyes before it settled again and he decided to glare at me full force. I stifled a chuckle at that. It seemed he still hasn't lost his signature 'Glare o' death'. Strangely, I found myself relieved by that fact.

" Hn."

Hmmm… I guess nothing much has changed after all. Personality-wise that is.

" Nice of you to drop in Maxwell.", Wufei muttered beside me under his breath.

I turned to my Chinese friend and grinned. Should've known he'd still insist on calling me by my last name even after five years.

" Just doing you guys a favor Wufei.", I quipped at him with a teasing wink. His surprise at my calling him by his first name, and quite properly at that, almost made me laugh. Well, THEY might not have changed a bit, but Duo Maxwell certainly has!

Heero had finally crossed the few feet of concrete that separated him from us and now stood in front of me. He had turned the volume of his glare down a few notches but was still looking at me strangely. I just couldn't place that look of his, but for some reason, it made me sad.

Quatre's curiosity and excitement finally got the better of him and he grabbed me by the arm, pulling me behind him all the while talking non-stop as we strode away from the docking bay.

" Where on earth have you been Duo? We've scoured every damn nook and cranny looking for you for 3 years! We finally just gave everything up after that, thinking you were either dead or just hiding somewhere and not wanting to be found. "

He stopped walking and abruptly turned to look at me with a rather hurt look in his eyes, " Didn't you want to be found?"

I stayed still at that question. Beside me, Wufei and Heero both threw expectant and slightly angry looks at me. Heero most especially had reached out to grab me by my elbow, his grip tighter than usual. His gaze was hard and uncompromising. I sighed inwardly, knowing that Trowa was probably giving me a look along those lines as well.

I met Heero's eyes unwavering and murmured loud enough for everyone else to hear, " Let's go somewhere quiet. We need to talk."

* * *

Even after years with Ryuen and having servants at my beck and call, I still found myself awed and speechless as Quatre led us inside what he called the, " Blue Room". Not much of it was blue, except for the sofa and a rather sinful looking chaise-lounge but boy was it freaking HUGE! A fur carpet covered the entire floor space while an artificial fireplace lent the room a warm feel. Very… comfy. Resplendent, yes… but comfy.

Quatre squeezed himself beside Trowa on one of the smaller sofas while Wufei sat stiffly on the edge of the chaise and critically studied its rather… antiquated design. I on the other hand, decided to land my ass on the widest sofa of the lot and propped my boot-clad leg over the low center table. Imagine my shock when Heero suddenly sat a few inches beside me in the same sofa.

" Talk. ", he said in his unforgettable don't-fuck-with-my-mission voice and proceeded to give me a 100 full death glare. Ouch.

Shrugging my shoulders, I threw him a wary look. " Um…where do you want me to start?"

Quatre hmmphed right at me and rolled his eyes in some annoyance, " Start with, WHY THE HECK DID YOU LEAVE?", he demanded.

Eheh… blondie's one straightforward guy! Ain't he?

" I just had to Q… It was something I needed to do."

He threw me a rather hurt, betrayed look and asked, " We were a team Duo. Friends as well… How could you have just left everything like that!"

Beside him, Trowa laid a hand on his shoulder. A move of comfort I must say I envied. Watching the two lovers just made me look back too much… it made me remember my regrets with Ryuen… with them, my friends… with Heero.

I met Trowa's green gaze and I was stunned by the soft look of comprehension his eyes – or eye, rather – reflected. I almost smiled. I guess now really is the time to bare all… no more evading the truth. It was my time to be honest.

Taking a deep breath and quelling that vulnerable feeling that ate my insides, I took a step forward.

" I… It's just that you all had something Quatre; you… all of you knew where you wanted to be! I didn't. I wanted to find my purpose again, live for myself and just move on."

" Maxwell you idiot, you had us.", Wufie said gruffly from the side. I met his dark eyes that were filled with more than a little anger and some sadness. He went on, " Une offered you a place at Preventers and you only needed to grab it! You could've…"

" No!", I cut in rather adamantly. That won looks of surprise from all of them. Beside me, I felt Heero visibly stiffen.

" You don't understand. I wanted to know my purpose.", I continued as I stared into his eyes, " Your sense of honor and justice made that a fitting purpose for you, much like yours too, Heero."

I turned to meet confused deep blues with a smile, " Protecting peace has been the center of your universe since… well, since forever! It's your mission."

A pained look crossed Heero's face at my remark. Whatever THAT look meant, I didn't dwell on it. " Your mission is your purpose."

"Quatre?", I smiled at my obviously hurt blonde friend, " Your purpose was to make Trowa happy, and Trowa's was to make you happy. You both cancelled each other out."

I chuckled at Quatre's stunned look, " I bet your both bent on the same purpose even now."

The quiet was deafening. I dropped my gaze after that and it settled on a clenched fist – Heero's to be exact - sitting just inches away from me. The way his fingers dug into his palm revealed just how upset he was, which shocked me to no end. He had always been the strong one. Always calm, hostile as hell and a reigning perfectionist in everything he did. Which was exactly why I annoyed the hell out of him when we were still Gundam Pilots. I couldn't understand why I'm affecting him so much…after all, amongst the five of us, I was the one he least liked… and from what I remember of him, I still am.

" We looked for you."

I looked at Heero in some surprise.

" I… We went through every database; earth, colony… ships… looking for you. Took us three years before we decided to halt the search.", he went on gruffly. I winced. I could hear the accusation quite strongly even before he uttered the dreaded words.

" You dropped all contact.", he accused me.

Well… He's right about that.

I sighed. " I was in L3 actually."

Heero's eyebrows shot up at that, " What do you mean? We searched there as well and we didn't…"

" That's because my employer…er, ex-employer preferred to keep my identity hidden.", I admitted rather awkwardly.

" Why?", he demanded. Around me, my three other friends had leant forward, all wanting to hear exactly what I've been doing.

So, I took another step away from my hiding place.

" I was head of security for Hanazawa Ryuen and the job kinda called for a lot of secrecy. And Ry…Hanazawa-sama thought it a bit attention-grabbing having it known publicly that his chief bodyguard used to be Shinigami, Pilot 02. And well, that's kinda why you couldn't trace me anywhere."

Whew… I almost slipped there.

Quatre had a curious look in his eyes as he gave me a thoughtful glance, " Hanazawa? Founder of L3s major industry pillars, and renowned business tycoon? I met him a couple of times for business, that is, before his unfortunate death two years ago."

I gulped nervously at that. Damn! Should've have known that Q would've touched base with him a few times.

" That was two years ago…", Wufie pointed out, " Considering that he had died already, I'd have thought that you'd contact us soon after."

Heero zoomed blue eyes on me yet again and finished the line, " But you didn't…why?"

I went quiet at that. Should I tell them? What will they think once they know? What will Hee-… no! I will not think that! Heero and I were never meant to be. Building my hopes up and falling in love with him the second time was just too risky. I couldn't afford to fall in and out of love again. I wouldn't be able to live through that again! I now had other responsibilities… Now, I am not alone.

Having resolved all that by myself, I looked up at Heero and started to answer, " Because…"

Then the door to the blue room banged open.

We all jumped, our hands on our hidden holsters and turned our heads towards the door.

I met eyes, a reflection of my own, except for those few hazel specks.

"PAPA!"

* * *

Talk about good timing.

Looking adorable in denim overalls, Ran scuttled towards where I sat and launched himself on my lap. With a big grin on his face, he rewarded my cheek with a wet, sloppy peck and settled himself comfortably.

Around me, everyone was quiet. You could hear a pin drop.

I first turned to Heero and stared him in the face, " Um…I guess…"

Wufei recovered from his shock and commented with a snort, " I guess this is WHY." Still, he couldn't keep the shock out of his voice.

From my lap, Ran was staring up at Heero and vice versa. Both seemed rather fascinated with each other. I shifted my eyes on Heero and noted with some confusion that familiar pained look on his face. His eyes glittered with some anger but also seemed dull. As if he had lost something. The guy was confusing as hell I tell you!

" You…You…he…", Quatre was stuttering from where he sat, his blue eyes wide and formal demeanor gone. He looked like someone who'd gotten the greatest shock of his life. Trowa, except for the slight widening of eyes, remained collected. A look of uncertainty had entered his face though, and I could see him glance at Heero every few seconds. Strange.

Ran had finally broken away from Heero-gazing and looked at Quatre, big violet eyes blinking at the blonde's stare. Then, he smiled.

" Hi!", he piped. I stifled a chuckle as Quatre gaped.

But it seemed Ran had succeeded in charming the pants off of Quatre Raberba Winner since the blonde was suddenly squatting in front of me and eye-to-eye with my son.

" Hi there! I'm Quatre.", he gave Ran a beautific smile.

" I'm Ran.", my son replied, rather politely I must say. " Are you Papa's friend?", he asked curiously.

Quatre nodded then waved a hand around, " Yes, and so is everyone else here."

The door to the room swung again and Mylene stepped inside. Though not a hair was out of place, she was obviously a bit out of breath. Most probably from chasing my son around the base.

" Duo-sama! Excuse us please!", she breathed, "Ran was just…"

Raising a hand to calm her down, I gave a wry smile, " No problem here Mylene. Go, um…take a break. I'll watch him."

" Are you sure?", she asked me.

I nodded in reply, " Yes, I am. Now go!"

Watching my son's nurse exit the room, I tapped a hand on Ran's head and met his wide eyes. I proceeded to gently reprimand him and chose to ignore the looks the others were giving me. " Behave now. We're not home so you need to be at your best behavior. Remember what Mylene taught you?"

He nodded slowly at me and pouted, " But I was only looking for Papa…"

" I know.", I replied with a sigh, " Now shush. I'm discussing something very important with my friends. Alright?"

He nodded his head, his short braid bouncing at the motion. " Okay."

The guys remained glued to where they sat. Watching as Ran arranged himself comfortably on my lap and closed his eyes.

Glancing to make sure that he wasn't disturbing the boy, Trowa finally spoke, " You didn't tell us you married."

" I didn't."

Heero, to my surprise, pounced at that statement, " You're not?" he remarked with some confusion, " What do you mean?"

I made a face at him and slumped dejectedly on the sofa, " It's a long story."

" I have time.", came his tight-voiced reply.

I looked up and was rather surprised to find his face only inches away from mine even as he towered over my person.

I looked around, noticed the looks on the others' faces and blew my bangs away from my face.

Oooh boy… This was going to be a long day…really long.

* * *

I spilled blood and guts in telling them my story. I left some parts out of course. Some things are just… my own.

Funny thing is, I felt numb about it all. I just couldn't feel anything. It was like watching myself from a looking glass.

" So you mean HE's Ran Hanazawa, THE child billionaire? ", Wufei asked in disbelief.

I nodded tiredly, " Yup. He's that alright, and I'm his… guardian of sorts. Technically, I AM his biological father so I do have some say in the matter."

Beside me, Heero couldn't seem to stop gazing at the slumbering Ran (Yes! He's actually asleep now.). His gaze shifted to me and I shivered. He had a soft glow in those blue eyes of his; something I've never seen there before, and it was giving me some strange feelings. Feelings I just felt like I didn't want on my plate.

" He looks very much like you.", he murmured to me and smiled.

I gaped. Wait. Did he really just smile? At me? Shit!

I felt dizzy. He'd changed too much. I was treading on different grounds now and I was just plain confused by everything.

I caught Quatre holding a hand over his chest, his face puckered with worry. Damn! I mentally berated myself. I had forgotten about that space heart of his. He seemed to have latched onto what I was feeling though and threw Heero a sharp look before speaking.

" Heero. I almost forgot. Abdul has been going through the rebel mainframe systems and stumbled on some codes he couldn't break. He's down at the Tech Center working on it and I think he'll need your help on this."

I watched as this bit of information transformed the new Heero into the perfect soldier I knew. Stoic and cold. My eyes followed him as he stood and crossed the room. Wufei had stood up as well to follow after him, muttering something about checking weapons before exiting through the door as well. I almost missed the significant looks him and Quatre exchanged. Good thing I miss nothing when it comes to these guys.

Now, two pairs of eyes studied me and my sleeping charge.

Quatre sighed. " We've missed you, you know."

His sincerity was all in his face and I couldn't help but smile, " I know. So did I Q-ball."

He finally giggled at my playing his nicknames. " I haven't heard anyone call me that in years!", he said.

" That's because Duo's the only one who dares to call you anything else besides Master Quatre.", Trowa remarked deadpan.

He has a point there.

" How old is he?", Trowa asked as he laid his eyes on Ran.

"Going three.", I replied.

"He's wonderful.", was Quatre's dreamy reply.

I watched with some amusement as he threw his tall silent lover a curious pleading stare. The latter on the other hand was doing his best to avoid meeting Quatre's look. I snickered. Ha! In case he drowns in those blue pools and doesn't come up again. These two are just too adorable for words.

" So how have you been doing guys?", I asked. I could see the relief on Trowa's face at my interruption.

" Besides the fact that we've all grown to be taller than you?", teased Quatre. I scowled.

"Hey!"

"Just teasing you!", he chuckled.

I rolled my eyes at him, " Well besides that… what've you guys been doing?"

" I'm busy with WEI of course. I've some projects lined up that could last a whole lifetime if not more.", was Quatre's noncommittal answer.

"What about you Tro?"

He shrugged at me, " I'm WEI's head of security. Sometimes I do stuff for Preventers as well."

" Wufei is still with the Preventers… Zechs is his partner, sometimes Heero.", Quatre continued and peeked at me from under his bangs at the mention of my ex-partner's name. I struggled to keep the expression on my face neutral.

We three sat in silence for a while until Quatre decided to break it, " Heero's missed you the most you know."

I looked at him abruptly at that comment, eyes wide with shock and disbelief. Yeah right.

" Don't sugar-coat the damn thing Q.", I admonished, " I realize he must have been pretty pissed since I had led him to think that I would be joining Preventers. I didn't mean to but… I just needed to settle some issues."

Quatre rewarded me with a sad knowing smile. He also wore an exasperated look on his face as our eyes met.

" It's funny.", I murmured, almost too softly for them to hear.

"What."

I smiled, " That another war is what's getting us all together again."

The two of them seemed surprised at my comment and went quiet.

" But…", I started. They both gave me expectant looks. I could almost hear them wanting to shout: Finish it!

" It's good to see everyone again… I'm glad."

* * *

The command center brimmed with activity. Rashid had been ecstatic with the equipment I had brought over. Apparently, a lot of them were exactly what they needed to re-construct the Leos. I stared down at the bustling world of techs, mechanics and scientists running to and fro across the area. Trowa and Wufei stood beside me. Watching carefully as the mobile suits were reconstructed and repaired by the staff. I could see several of my own staff working alongside Quatre's people. I smiled. I'd never have thought that so many would be wishing to join me in this desperate fight for life.

" By the way, where's Zechs?", I asked, turning my gaze amusedly on Wufei. He had gone rather red in the ears at my question that I almost could not contain my laughter.

" For your information Maxwell…"

"Duo."

"Whatever! Merquise is currently acting as bodyguard for the Queen, if you must know."

I wanted to tease him further except that I glimpsed a tall lean figure with a mop of messy brown hair striding across the tech area below and into one of the break rooms. Muttering my excuses and ignoring the knowing looks that had occupied the faces of my two friends, I swiftly made my way towards the break room. Heero had been avoiding me like the plague since that first day almost a week ago and I hated it. Though I've resolved myself to not make any attachments this time around, I just couldn't live with this not-talking-or-looking-at-each-other… thing. I still consider him a friend and I refuse to lose over…whatever it is that's keeping us from being friends.

I knocked lightly on the door before uncertainly poking my head inside the room. His eyes met mine and I fought to repress that warm shiver I keep having around him. " Hey.", was my weak entrance.

"Hn."

Okay. That didn't go too well. Try again.

I stepped into the room and closed the door quietly. My eyes glued themselves on my boots as I fumbled and played with the buttons of my favorite trench coat.

" Heero…"

"Duo…"

We stared awkwardly at each other for a moment and then smiled. I relaxed a bit after that and decided to lean on the door.

" You first.", he murmured, still refusing to release my gaze from his.

I shrugged, fighting to stop my fingers from moving," I… I just wanted you to know that I never meant to keep things from you that night… you know, during the party? I… I didn't want to lie to you, so I decided to not tell you everything instead and I'm sorry for that. I looked up to you during the wars you know?"

"Duo…" he interrupted but I cut him off, wanting to forge on.

" Listen! I wanted to be like you so much. I wanted that focus, that strength to just finish the mission and make it. You were perfect during the war… in every way, and I wanted that. I wanted it so much… But I couldn't. I was just different and I had ways of my own. Most of them unconventional, but it pulled through for me in the end. I should've been happy then but something just happened and I couldn't stop it. I wanted to, but I couldn't so I… so I decided to leave and find myself."

Silence met my outburst. I looked and almost jumped since Heero was now right in front of me. Looking down at me with a strange glimmer in his eyes.

" Did you find yourself?", was his quiet question.

I blinked. What was that?

" Did you… find yourself?", he repeated. Is it just my imagination or is his face suddenly closer to mine? Confused, I shifted my eyes back to my feet. They looked more…reassuring.

" In the end, I decided not to find myself for I already had. It just took me some time to accept it. " I gave him a sad smile. " Ironic huh?"

A look of concern and worry filled his eyes and he murmured, "What do you mean?"

I sighed and closed my eyes, " I am Shinigami. And I will always be him."

Memories flowed in my mind's eye. I remembered that last night with Heero and the guys, the night I had decided to start my new life. I remembered Ryuen and those heart-wrenching moments when we knew our hearts had to keep silent, I remember Ran, the first he was in my arms, alive and well. I remember meeting Heero again after five years of absence and that strange warmth about him that scared and lured me at the same time…

" Duo…", Heero whispered.

I could feel his breath on my cheek. He was close. So very close… My lashes fluttered open and I gazed into pools of deep blue.

Too late…

Then darkness embraced me.

* * *

_(Flashback 1 – 6 years ago, towards the end of the War)_

_"Hey Heero! Wait up!" I called after the slender figure walking ahead of me._

_He threw me a pissed-off glare but decided to stop walking and give me time to catch up._

_"Be quiet.", he muttered at me soon as I neared him. He proceeded to walk on, ignoring me as I followed him closely behind._

_On a sudden impulse, I grabbed his arm and swiftly started running through the thick woods, but still mindful of the branches that could hit our face at any given second. Behind me, Heero staggered and sought to escape my grip. I winced as he slightly twisted my arm but kept on. We were almost there. Minutes of running through the woods finally gave way to a small clearing, and in the clearing was a pond surrounded by a bunch of daisies basking under the sun. I had discovered the place while doing some recon and had loved it at first sight._

_Releasing Heero's arm, I squatted on the grass just beside the pond and started make ripples with my finger. Behind me, my ill-tempered friend remained quiet. _

_I don't know how long we remained there. Just basking in the silence. For once, I heard nothing. No screams, no gunshots, no sound of crushed metal, no explosions, just silence. It was… peaceful._

_(Flashback 2 – 3 years ago, the Hanazawa main mansion on L3)_

_" Be silent in that solitude,_

_Which is not loneliness – for then_

_The spirits of the dead who stood_

_In life before thee are again_

_In death around thee – and their will_

_Shall overshadow thee: Be still."_

**_"_**_Well that's rather grim… don't you think?", Hazel eyes looked at me from behind slim reading glasses._

_I shrugged, " It's Poe. Of course it's grim. " I squinted my eyes in an effort to decipher the words in the book on my lap._

_Sitting across me in his favorite high-backed chair, Ryuen sighed in exasperation and stood up to cross the room. I could hear him open one of the drawers in the far corner of the study. Seconds later, he returned and halted right in front of me and dropped something on my lap._

_I stared._

_He had retrieved a pair of narrow glasses with black rims._

_I snorted. " I don't need glasses."_

_He rolled his eyes at me and settled himself again on his chair. " Yes, you do."_

_"No, I don't."_

_"You do."_

_"I don't."_

_"Duo?"_

_"What?"_

_"Be quiet and wear the damn glasses."_

_"…"_

_(End Flashbacks)_

* * *

"Duo…"

I squinted. Urrrgghh! Light…too bright!

" Duo… alright?"

I found it quite an effort to even blink. But I did.

I found myself drowning in worried blue eyes.

Heero's to be exact.

"What happened?", I murmured softly. My mouth felt like I'd eaten cotton for breakfast, lunch and supper. Yuck.

"You fainted.", he replied to me. I felt one callused hand cup my cheek.

Still weak, I struggled to sit up from what I now identified to be a narrow hospital bed in the Base's clinic. Heero continued to hover near me. Looking at him, I took notice of the distraught look on his face and his pale pallor. Do I really affect him that much?

" Why'd I faint?", I asked. I almost never get sick so for me to faint was really quite… alarming.

" Stress and a fever. ", Heero replied, " Why didn't you tell us you've been working non-stop for three weeks straight?"

The accusing and concerned glint in his eyes took the breath out of me as it finally registered in my brain that Heero seemed to really care. Care about me. I winced inwardly… no. It was nothing. He had softened enough to be more friendly and warm but that was it. No point in digging up already dead dreams and expectations. And then I suddenly remembered. RAN.

" Ran…" I muttered to myself and fought to sit up and get off the bed. But Heero stopped me.

" I'll get him.", he said and with a parting smile, left me to my own devices.

Geez! What a time to be sick! A war's about to explode, I haven't seen my son… God! I had a lot of work to do!

Suddenly the door to the clinic opened and in stepped a very familiar-looking female doctor, her thick brown braids falling over her shoulders.

" Sally!" I exclaimed.

Sally Po smiled at me warmly and winked, " Well…I haven't treated your injured ass for… well, quite a long time."

I winced. " Right. Just stress and a fever; Heero already told me. Can I go now?", I pleaded widening my eyes a bit. I was rather out of practice but hey! No harm trying right?

She clucked her tongue and glared at me for what was worth, "No. You will stay in bed for the night. Just in case."

I started to protest only to be told to shut up.

" I don't need one less Gundam Pilot.", pointed out Sally, " Not yet and certainly not today."

The door opened again and Heero stepped inside, with the whole gang in tow. Oh Great! Just what I need.

Ran stood beside Heero gripping his hand, violet eyes tearful and watery as it sought me out. Seeing me awake and smiling, he laughed and bounced towards the bed. With an amused smile, Heero lifted him by the elbows and sat him on the edge of my bed.

Damn heart fluttering again. Geez!

"Are you okay papa?", asked Ran with a wobbly smile.

" I'm fine pet. Just tired.", I chuckled, " Were you good while I wasn't looking?"

" I was!", he piped before squirming under my blankets and settling to stay beside me.

"We were rather worried.", Quatre admitted and stepped forward to stand beside the bed.

Wufei rolled his eyes at me, " Would've thought that with a lay-about like you, rest would be the last thing you'd forget."

Mylene and Hayato stepped forward from the door as well. The latter held such a guilty look on his face upon seeing be in a clinic and obviously sick.

" Duo-sama. I should've insisted that you rest before we even decided to go on this trip. It was remise of me and I apologies."

I waved a hand at him and grinned, " Hayato, the time I'll listen to you will probably be the time I conceive and have babies. "

Quatre snorted and struggled to stifle a laugh. Sally and Trowa were doing their best not to smile while Wufei turned bright red. Heero remained impassive but the amusement in his eyes was obvious.

"Now people! Time to leave the patient and let him rest. All of you have a lot of work to do you know! Chang! Merquise is asking that you meet him this evening. Yuy, Barton and Winner, Une just called and wants you in her office pronto. Now go!"

Sleepily, I watched as each of them piled out of the room. Sally was rather amusing to watch; the way she'd drive them away like a hen was fun. Finally, only Heero was left hovering near the door. Casting Sally a fleeting look, he crossed the room again to stand beside my bed and looked down at me. His eyes had that strange warmth again and he gave me a smile I've never ever seen on his face before. It was gentle and lo- No! I will not say it! I won't.

" Duo?"

"Hmm?"

" We will finish that conversation."

I quirked a brow and gave him my most innocent stare.

To my utter shock, he chuckled.

He raised a finger to trace the line of my cheek. His other hand ruffled Ran's head of chestnut hair.

And then he left. A whispered word escaped his lips and me in my weak state, didn't catch it well enough.

I must be imagining things. I thought he'd said the word: CUTE.

Nah. I'm just dreaming.

Sleep came…and I welcomed it.

TBC


End file.
